A Sad Day

I try not to post sad things on here, but this one is about a subject I've shared far too much to ignore. I've been trying to write this post for weeks. I've written it in my head a hundred times over and still couldn't actually type it out. Please know this is hard for me to share and I'm crying while sitting at my computer at the moment.

So here goes:

 About two months ago, we lost our precious Duncan. I've shared so much about him and Paco on the blog, many of you ask about them at shows and it seems like you know them virtually.

Duncan's had a rough road with his health since he was a pup, but always was a trooper. He had a spine injury as a pup. He's had a gland rupture several times which lead to tumors and abcesses and several bouts of antibiotics. He had a weird allergy to shampoo that made his eyes swell... He also had liver enzymes that were off the charts and could never be controlled. But right before we lost him he was diagnosed with diabetes.

 Duncan lived a wonderful 13 years and the last month or so was rough. His blood sugar was over 500 when he was diagnosed and it never went below 370 in the month after. The highest it registered was somewhere in the 670 area. He was a Cairn Terrier and little did I know that his breed as well as Schnauzers are prone to diabetes late in life, but are also insulin deficient. Well, we tried shots and different foods and everything we could think of and nothing worked. We were at the vet so much that last month, one week alone we were there 6 times. They knew us and I didn't have to sign in or anything. We'd walk in and the staff would be like, "Hey, Duncan!" We had to have him put down when his body started to shut down and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I miss him dearly and it was honestly hard to sew after he was gone. He was the best quilting dog ever and the best companion when I was down. I didn't really realize why I didn't want to sew for a few weeks until one day I forced myself to stay home. I opened the door to my sewing room for the first time in weeks and immediately started to cry when I saw his blanket lying on the floor. And his toy under my table. That day I swear I heard him running down the hall and cuddling onto his blanket. Everyday has gotten a little easier, but he was my baby. He was my first dog. As long as Ben and I have been Ben and I, it was Ben and I and Duncan was our baby.

We still have Paco, but he's our kitty dog. We love him dearly and we've agreed (even before we lost Duncan) to not get another dog at the time. Paco is 15, mostly deaf and blind and it wouldn't be fair to him to bring a new wild dog into the house. Honestly, I want to go to the dog shelter every day. I can't because I would bring home like 5 and poor Paco wouldn't know what to do.

I guess the reason I'm telling you all this (if you're still here) is more for a closure thing for me, but also to explain if I haven't really seemed myself lately. I tried to keep this to myself, but Ben and I agreed that I shared so much about Duncan on here, I should probably share his loss too. It's been a little hard to be upbeat so many days I was just quiet.

I still have many of his toys spread around the house and I can't bear to think about moving them or throwing them away. I would love to donate them, but that would probably lead to a shelter and me bringing home a dog or 5. For now though, I take comfort in knowing the wonderful life that he and I shared, the wonderful memories that can never be taken from me and the hope that I will see him again one day. I still find myself crying in these quiet moments where a scent or a sound or something makes me think of him. So I please ask if you can, to love on your pooch a little longer today. Please give them a hug and a kiss and an extra treat for me (and Duncan). Thank you all in advance for letting me share this personal story with you and getting it out in the open. Rest in peace my little Duncan Christopher. Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you.